the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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