Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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