You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
