Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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