So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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