He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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