You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
