cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
