For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
