Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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