Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
