So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
