Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
