the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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