drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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