I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
