yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
