I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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