i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
