I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
