In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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