My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
