My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
