he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
