So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize