You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
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You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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