somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
