Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
