I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
