how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
