he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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