I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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