I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
