ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
