if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
