Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
