So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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