dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
