Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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