i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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