I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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