Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
