I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
