Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
