Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
