I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
