i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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