Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish you could order shots online.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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