i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
