Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
