Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
