he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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