apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
sex in a hospital.. check
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
