As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
