Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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