grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
