a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
