I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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