i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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