what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
