we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
