dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
