if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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