So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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