remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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