I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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