FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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