She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
