Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
