More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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